Everyone’s talking about climate change these days, but never seem to address human concerns. It’s always about coral and polar bears, because “all the polar bears are gonna go extinct.”

But let me ask you this: Less than a hundred years ago, there was this thing called The Holocaust, and some guy named Adolf Hitler murdered six million Jews and a whole bunch of other people. Where were your precious polar bears during that shit? You mean to tell me Hitler wasn’t on their radar?

Now, some of you might be thinking, “But Daniel, that’s ridiculous. Polar bears don’t have radar.”

“Well, that’s not my fault either! Maybe, had they evolved a little faster and developed radar, they’d have known we were killing the planet and could have prepped for it, like we’re about to do.”

What I’m saying is, I’m sick and tired of people making excuses for polar bears. They’ve seen us. They’ve seen our technology. They know what we can do. They’ve seen you use a smartphone. But when’s the last time you saw a polar bear post #blacklivesmatter? Answer: Never. #truth And why? Because polar bears are assholes. That’s why.

Fuck a polar bear. Run up behind him, club him like a baby seal, and lay some all American lead pipe in that fuzzy, little male box, and drill baby drill ’til he’s raw and bloody. Maybe frack’m a few times in the kidneys, before you finish him off with a hot, thick, mercurial cream pie and choke him out like smog. Then, while he’s still unconscious, you can walk around to the front, use his tongue to mop off, piss on him, buck’m in the forehead like it was 5th Avenue, and throw that motherfucker in the ocean – #fuckabear!

… or maybe I just need to stop watching Fox News.

(listen at https://soundcloud.com/yourfaultforlistening/hyjinx)

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