I was waiting for the bus after a show, the other night. I want to say it was some time between eleven and midnight, given my level of intoxication and self-doubt. So, my only option for food was the 24 hour Subway downtown, and parked right there by the door was a transient gent watching Netflix on what I can only assume to have been his laptop, and in the moment, I thought to myself, “Priorities.” Because surely, on some plain of reality, food, shelter, or a job application might trump Lady Dynamite.
And I know some people say you shouldn’t give cash to the homeless, because they’ll just waste it on drugs and liquor, but that assumes the average substance abuser would rather spend their time begging for money than die of an overdose behind a strip club, after the best drug binge of their life. And, as a strong supporter of death with dignity, that position strikes me as cruel and inhumane. All the same, I’ve contrived what I believe to be a reasonable compromise: put the money in an envelope labeled with its intended use – be that food, shelter, or Netflix.
Most of my envelopes read “MANICURE,” because surely I’m not the only one to notice the peculiar percentage of transients with long, thick fingernails. So, the least they could do is wash them to reveal the perfect, all natural (or perhaps, drug and liquor induced) French manicure I believe resides just below the fungus.
(listen at https://soundcloud.com/yourfaultforlistening/kreye)