A Good Deal

On my way from the store, this morning, I almost got hit by a truck. And that was fine, but I noticed it had a bumper sticker of the Confederate flag, and that’s not the Portland I know and love. The Portland I know and love has always been a safe haven for free and progressive thinkers who embrace people of every ethnicity, nationality, and creed regardless of sex, gender, or orientation – as long as they live across a bridge.

But I’ve given it some thought, and maybe that guy’s not racist, at all. Maybe he just got a real good deal on a racist truck. Isn’t that possible?

Like you go to a dealership, and there’s a perfectly good Subaru from the late ’80s; it runs real good, but it’s still a little spendy given all the holes and dents in the framework, and the fact that it’s all fucked up on the inside. But right next to it, you have this shiny, new truck – like nothing you’ve ever seen before – for $1000 less, with a KKK decal. Well, what do you do?

It seems clear to me, you buy the truck and some white sheets; your hands are tied. I mean, ideals are good and all, but you can’t beat a good deal.

(listen at bit.ly/yffl-foreal)

Hetero Ally

I realize, on the this show, I might seem to make fun of heterosexuals a lot, but I don’t mean it. In fact, I consider myself to be sort of a hetero ally, and I recognize that traditional masculinity is under constant attack, with the LGBTQ community adding a new abbreviation every week, and sending our trans brothers and sisters into public restrooms, shooting fag spores in the air to turn you. So, I get it. You’re under constant attack, and I want to help.

If you’re going to survive to apocalisp, I recommend you just stay home; preferably inside your closets. And don’t talk, because if you say anything, we’ll find you and try to change you. It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. So, just stay home, inside your closets, and shut the fuck up… forever. And I promise you’ll make it through these bright and troubled days ahead.

(listen at https://soundcloud.com/yourfaultforlistening/weber)