A coworker of mine recently introduced me to Swedish Fish Oreo Cookies, and if that suggestion makes you a bit nauseous, I feel that’s to be expected. I mean, don’t get me wrong; Swedish Fish and Oreo Cookies are separate but equally good snack foods, but when you combine the two, it tears society apart, and eats away at its very core.

And then you wonder why society’s in the state it’s in, today. Look at the signs, people! They’re in the cookie aisle.

My primary issue with it is that there are sixty-eight different varieties of Oreo Cookie. I know this, because I looked it up. But all the other varieties, no matter how exotic, make sense with milk, because that is the intended coupling of Oreos. Oreos are meant to be dunked in milk. Or, if you’re broke and didn’t plan your groceries very well, crumbled up into a bowl of milk and you call that shit cereal. Point being, Oreos are meant to be eaten with milk.

What sort of godless heathen is washing down fistfuls of Swedish Fish with a tall glass of milk?

In my opinion there are only three acceptable kinds of Oreo: original, peanut butter, and mint. Some might argue Double Stuf, but I’m a little more traditional and believe snacking is between two cookies and one cream.

(listen at bit.ly/yffl-schinderle)

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