This is the time of year that I go on the prowl… for the dick. And not just any dick, but that good dick; that Grade A, top of the line dick; that dick so good you need it to call into work for you, the next morning. And if you should ever find that dick, it’s important to form an airtight bond with it, because once had, you’ll be unable to speak. So, you need it to understand your nonverbal cues and what it’s done to you.

I’ve had that kind of dick in my life, which is why you’ll never see me sit at a live show, because I’ll fuck around, sit on a bar stool, and end up on the floor; and that’s a bad look, but a fine dick.

And that’s my hope for all my readers and listeners, because you deserve a big dick. I deserve a big dick. Yes we can(!) take a big dick. I have a dream(!) that someday, we will all get a big dick. Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! – hung up on the big dick.

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