Oregon’s a lovely place to live, except that every autumn and winter is an elaborate game of What Nightmare Creatures Live in My Home?

Last year, I lived in a house with three housemates. Each housemate owned a cat, and each year the house was overtaken by a cloud of gnats, driving our poor kitties mad. Then, one early winter morning, I stepped into my bathroom, which I didn’t recall having a carpet. So, I turned on the light to discover an undulating sea of silver fish. I had never seen silver fish before. So as far as I was concerned, these were aliens, and I didn’t want to step on them for fear they’d release a distress call to the mother ship, issuing in a full-blown invasion. I don’t need that kind of responsibility on my shoulders, which is also why I didn’t vote for Trump.

Point being, in one house, in one infestation season, we had three pissed off cats, a fog of gnats, and a silver fish mat. It was like if Dr. Seuss had gone to hell.

(listen at https://soundcloud.com/yourfaultforlistening/george)


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