I recently performed at a house party of young, slender, sparkly people. It was like a vampire prom after party. Within minutes of my arrival, I met people named Stone and Ethan. I assume there was a Hunter and Alexis somewhere in the glamour crowd.

Stone and Ethan regaled me with tales of the three months they ran a vape business and made a quarter million dollars, allowing them to spend the past year traveling abroad. During that same span of time, I’ve had panic attacks every time I travel from my sofa bed to my front door.

What I’m saying is, I don’t hate Millennials, but your beautiful Hollister ad lifestyles are making me old.

(listen at http://www.soundcloud.com/yourfaultforlistening/lundy)

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