Aggressive Advertising

Back when I was a kid, advertising was a lot friendlier. It was always, “Hey look! Here’s a baby. Doesn’t that make you happy? If so, maybe you should buy our product. It smells like pine cones.” Personally, that’s all I need to convince me to buy something I don’t need. A pine-scented baby? I’ll charge two to my credit card.

But nowadays, there’s a lot more, “Buy this, you loser. Don’t you want to be cool and make friends? If you buy our product, your ex will realize how much they love you, you’ll get your job back, and your children might even forgive you. If you don’t buy our product, you’ll just continue to whither away into an empty husk of a being, until you finally take your miserable life with your own weathered hands. Coca-Cola!”

(listen at https://soundcloud.com/yourfaultforlistening/eli)

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Monopoly Money

When can we admit that money isn’t real? Like, when’s the last time you had cash? Answer: never. You never have cash. And when’s the last time you paid a credit card bill? You keep buying shit with it, but no real money’s ever been exchanged. The nation “printing” the money is three trillions dollars in debt, but there are still about a couple dozen billionaires. How does that make sense, minimum wage recipient?

And think about it this way, you can buy Monopoly money for “real” money. Money isn’t real!

When you buy things, the credit card is just a formality. What’s really happening is a slavery round robin. It’s a service worker barter system. We’re just taking turns serving each other for free. I go to the coffee shop, so the barista can go to the gas station, so the clerk can pick up vegetables from the store, so a farmer can cook up some meth.